Illustrations by Allison O’Flinn
March is a special month for astrology as it encompasses both the first and last signs in the zodiac cycle: Pisces for babies born up to March 20, and Aries for babies born after. It is the month in which the zodiac completes itself and restarts, just as it ushers in spring, life, and renewal.
With this in mind, I wish to devote this month’s Pat’s Pix™ to those special Pisceans and Arieans that have been pumping new life into our cultural landscape throughout their careers. As we move through the month, let us stop and consider the ways that these celebrities have blessed our lives. Happy spring, everyone.
Justin Bieber
Born March 1, 1994 (turning 21)
Justin Bieber has spent the past few years trying to transition from Beautiful Baby Boy to Should-Have-Swiped-Left Tinder Hookup for years, and this year, our boy will finally be old enough to legally get into American bars. Let’s raise a glass of Bacardi Dragon Berry and usher in the beginning of Justin’s adult life by revisiting his first hit single, Baby, as well as his recent appearance on Ellen, in which the singer creepily hid in a women’s bathroom stall and scared unexpected members of the audience.
Shaquille O’Neal
Born March 6, 1972 (turning 43)
While Shaq is well known for his celebrated basketball legacy, he has also used his celebrity status to cultivate several starring film roles (including Kazaam and Steel), an eponymous video game (Shaq-Fu), and an art show at last year’s Expo Chicago (Shaq Loves the People). Celebrate Shaq’s birth by earnestly asking your dad for a quick game of one-on-one, or by playing his 1993 debut rap album, Shaq Diesel, on YouTube.
Mitt Romney
Born March 12, 1947 (turning 68)
While the public continues to mourn the loss of Mitt Romney’s possible third failed Presidential campaign, the ex-Governor of Massachusetts and keeper of binders full of women has left a legacy of media flubs and regrettable quotes that will surely continue to entertain the masses for generations to come. This March 12, celebrate the life of this political icon by losing a game of Giant Jenga and diving into the digital pages of Dressage: A Mitt Romney/ Paul Ryan Presidential Slash-fic, an e-book by Bailey Marie.
Rob Kardashian
Born March 17, 1987 (turning 28)
Rob Kardashian, noted ex-boyfriend of Rita Ora, sock magnate, “Star” from Dancing With the Stars, and former Miss USA judge, was once quoted as saying, “If I could be anyone, I’d choose the lead singer of Arcade Fire, Win Butler.” Wouldn’t we all, Rob? To commemorate the beginning of Rob’s 28th year of life, pair Arcade Fire’s Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) with a muted
clip of Rob’s foxtrot dance from the DWTS season 13 finale.
Mariah Carey
Born March 27, 1969/1970 (turning either 45 or 46; her true age is disputed)
Mariah has had a tough year. Her May 2014 studio album, Me. I am Mariah… the Elusive Chanteuse, has been the lowest-selling non-holiday album of her career, and in August of 2014, her husband, Nick Cannon, confirmed the dream couple’s separation. To help us make sure that 45/46 is the best year of Mariah’s life, let’s get back to basics by enjoying her Heartbreaker music video on repeat for the entire day of March 27.
Lucy Lawless
Born March 29, 1968 (turning 47)
While everyone is familiar with Xena: Warrior Princess, Lucy Lawless’s most iconic role, you might be surprised to find that the actress has also been known for her stage performances in Grease, The Vagina Monologues, and Chicago. She also once accidentally freed the nipple at an NHL game nearly seven years before Janet Jackson pushed doing so into the mainstream at the Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime show. To celebrate Lawless’s 47th birthday, check out her early-90s musical Shell gasoline commercial and think about just how far her illustrious career has taken her.
