Kids are dumb. They’d rather eat mud and bugs than fruits and vegetables. Hence the popular preschool treat, “ants on a log.” Remember that? A piece of celery with peanut butter spread in the stalk, then some raisins (“ants”) dotted along the trail. Pretty great snack. Well, my fridge was empty but I had a similar idea. This is by far the grossest-sounding Waste Not, Eat Lots yet, but one of the best tasting — I promise!

Bums on a Bench

Step 1: Baby-cut carrot stick. Step 2: Peanut butter. Step 3: Hamburger dill pickle chip.

I wouldn’t post something in this column that I didn’t find pleasing to the palate; this outlandish recipe really does dance on the tongue quite nicely. Some salt, some sweet, some bitter… Something tells me, though, that you’re just going to take my word for it on this one. But then again, does anyone out there ever actually try these recipes?