Illustration by Cat Cao

You know something grinds your gears when it’s bothersome enough that you feel compelled to make a list. For as long as I can remember, I have kept a list of pet peeves on my phone as a form of catharsis. Whenever I ran into a situation that just irked me, I typed it out. Somehow, I have managed to compile an extensive list; like when someone says “q-pon” instead of “coupon.” If something so small drives you insane as much as it does to me, you might just find some satisfaction in this list. Otherwise, I might come across as the whiniest person ever.

Let’s start with when someone texts “wut” instead of “what,” or an understandable “wat?” As if the lack of formality in text jargon these days wasn’t sufficient enough, it’s better to opt for seeming semi-literate than dropping unnecessary consonants. Go hard or go home, I guess.

I’ve always been a big fan of when someone tries to tell me something obvious (*cough cough* mansplaining). I mean come on, we’ve all been there. There’s really no need for a superiority complex. Especially, if all the knowledge you have to impart upon me is whether or not I was aware that the Chicago weather is unpredictable.

I’m also short with other people who commonly choose to play dumb, condescend others, or treat me like I’m still a child. It should go without saying that I don’t have any issue with people who have privilege, I have my own, but it’s those who are oblivious or even worse, choose to be so. There is always going to be someone who gets a tattoo in another language they don’t know, like Ariana Grande’s tattoo. Or the miserable person who thinks that being rude to an employee is acceptable behavior. It’s not endearing being disrespectful when asking for the service of another person.

If one of you could kindly shed some light on why it is whenever I sneeze no one says, “Bless you.” I know not all cultures participate in this social tradition, but I’d appreciate any acknowledgment of nasal compulsion. Give me a “salud” or “à tes souhaits.” I know at least I could use all the blessings I can get. Even worse —  when you sneeze and no one says anything until someone else sneezes. This sentiment applies to a wide range of situations; From when you answer a question your professor doesn’t hear, to telling a funny joke that no one catches. It seems as if all of the credit goes to whoever repeats it next. It can be irritating, but maybe not as much as, the classic “sure”, “I guess”, “maybe”, “if you want to”. or “I don’t know” as a response to a yes or no question. Not to exclude, the overwhelming amount of people who will stop speaking mid-sentence. Consider me old fashion, but I really appreciate complete thoughts.

I don’t know about you, but anytime someone has greeted me with an ironic, “Good morning, Sunshine,” it immediately sours my mood. The last mood I am in when I wake up is not even remotely close to radiant sunshine. Perhaps, you are somewhat like me and seeing someone go into a store through the explicitly labeled “Out” door, or vice versa just kills you. Especially, if you went to a large high school that had an unspoken rule about traffic congestion. Everyone was meant to stick to the right and go with the flow, but there were always those few that seemed to consider themselves an exception. I will absolutely start bugging-out if someone is walking far too slow down the hallway or sidewalk. If you’ve decided today is a moseying type of day, then it might be best to step into the far lane while the rest of us put our steps in.  It tests my patience whether I wait to discreetly pass them, or suffer the agony of walking in slow motion.

Above all, you know what I have never understood? Why the zodiac sign, Aquarius, is an air sign when it is literally the symbol and word for water? There was once upon a time an entire Age of Aquarius too. Every time there is any Aquarius themed collection the color scheme is blue. Why? Because blue is associated with water. I would greatly appreciate if someone could clarify that for me.

Sincerely,

an angsty Capricorn-Aquarius cusp