Search F News...

7 Things To Do While Waiting For The Sharp Elevator

Why waste your time when you can host a salon before your lift arrives?

By Featured, SAIC

This image contains student figures who are waiting for their elevator.

Illustration by Shijing Li

Lack free time? Find yourself constantly in need of study breaks? Have you been told you need help with time management? Well, to help you fit more time into your day, here are ideas for activities you can accomplish while simultaneously waiting for an elevator at the Sharp Building:

1). Read Infinite Jest

Feeling insecure around other college students? Are you afraid they may know more than you? Thankfully, you’ve already purchased author David Foster Wallace’s cure for intellectual inadequacy, to hold while lamping on campus; but what about the fateful day when a well-read stranger, speaking on their devotion to the book,  inquires how you reacted to the samizdat plotline? Well, if you have a class scheduled this semester at the Sharp building, you needn’t worry! Simply press the ‘up’ button for the elevator, open your lawn chair, and for once enjoy having enough time to pound out this postmodern epic uninterrupted!

2). Tour a Chicago Landmark

SAIC is located in a historic district, but being so busy with schoolwork it can feel like we never get to see this great city. If you’re worried you haven’t absorbed enough of Chicago, waiting for the Sharp elevators is the perfect time to plan a city tour! If you have a class on floor 2-4, think about joining crowds at the Bean, taking a selfie at Millennium park; those on the higher floors should consider surveying the downtown areas by joining the Chicago Crime Tour, or the Ugly Building Tour with Mike McMains.

3). Host a Salon

Feel like all your work is “for class”? Don’t you wish there was a more personal way to share your work with students and patrons? Try hosting your own old fashion salon! Gather a group of friends and, after calling for the elevator, start the discussion. You can have student critiques, artistic debates, or just enjoy the gallery! By the time you’ve installed, viewed, discussed, and cleaned, your elevator should be waiting on the ground floor!

4). Dry Your Oil Painting

Are you ever frustrated waiting for your painting to oxidize? Bored of watching wet globs turn solid? Why not kill two birds with one stone – simply make the trip you’ve been putting off to Flaxman library. By the time the elevator has taken you down, your paint will be dry as a rock.

5). Knock Out Your Studio Credit

All Undergraduates at SAIC are required to take 39 studio credits. Maybe you’re having trouble fitting them in your schedule. Worry not, because if you frequent the Sharp building you have the perfect opportunity. “But Isaac-”, you say, “When I arrived at Sharp people were waiting – so I think the elevator will be here soon.”  You fool! No one noticed the button hadn’t been pressed because that stupid dim light barely luminates! You have plenty of time to enroll with an exciting adjunct-professor who you wish was tenured but never will be and get certified on necessary equipment, then complete your critique before a new lift is called!

6). Become a Level 5 Sommelier

-Have you been meaning to expand your knowledge of wine? Master the craft of tasting vino by becoming a master som! Quiz your friends about the Cab they’re drinking in the lobby! Take a stroll to Ritterhouse for a house red and savor the swish. Hone your tastebuds until you’re ready to plead your case for a diploma before the Court of Master Sommeliers, then head up to your floor.

7). Coordinate a Heist from AIC

Have your eye on a certain piece? Bogged down from loans? We’ve all thought about it – but the wait time for the Sharp elevator is the perfect time to take action. Simply round up a posse of friends (and one long-lost friend’s young relative who’s looking to prove themself) and print off a floor plan of the museum. Once you have markers and house-hold objects to represent each team member, diagram over the map exactly what each of you will do (but imagine it three-dimensionally). Still struggling? Hacking into the mainframe is always an option. Now, while the elevator is still making that sound that signals it’s landed on the ground floor but won’t open out of sheer stubbornness, transport your crew to the museum and artfully remove your target before the chase downtown. Once you all have ditched your black turtlenecks and tactical gear, simply enter through the revolving door to conveniently find the elevator cracking open for you!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

thirteen + eight =