Now, I’m not saying Elvis wasn’t racist. There are rumors that he said derogatory things about black people, and yes, he stole black American music and made it palatable to white people while many of his black contemporaries didn’t receive the credit or recognition they deserved.

All I’m saying, is that Elvis wasn’t always fat. People seem to forget this.

Why do people only impersonate fat Elvis?

I learned something very important this weekend : polyester onesies are not very forgiving. If you’re a celebrity racist who is eating himself to death, then for your sake, don’t wear your polyester onesy outside of your bedroom. It will eclipse any other thing you might have ever accomplished, and after you’ve died on your toilet, you will be immortalized as a pathetic slob who fell from grace.

I wore my polyester onesy on stage with Chicago-based multimedia brigade Vampire Squids From Hell Sunday night, and let me tell you, it was something. I’m going to improve my diet and publicly denounce racism so that I can get away with wearing it for a while longer.

Check out a sample of that performance right here: Vampire Squids From Hell: Multimedia Spooktacular

– Brandon Kosters