The word of doG

by Simon Hunt
photo courtesy of photo courtesy of IMPAWARDS.com

Our online counterpart—fnewsmagazine.com—recently posted an article about new findings concerning a human gene that determines sexual orientation, and the mixed feelings it brings to the gay community (“Back to Square One with Queer Rights,” by Beatrice Smigasiewicz). We received an email from Rick Mathes of Mission Gate Prison Ministry that attempts to dismantle an intelligent discussion on the subject. The message was obviously a form letter, and a quick Google search revealed a number of other sites—online editions of newspapers, movie review sites and forums for members of Congress—that have received the exact same spam email.

Mathes writes, “I have a dog named Buffy and she is a girl dog. She goes out and she finds a boy dog and they fall in love and she has puppies. She knows she’s a girl dog and he knows he’s a boy dog. All anyone has to do is look down their pants to find out what God made them to be. If they can’t figure that out, they have less sense than my dog Buffy! Is Homosexuality natural? Is it normal? Then it must be unnatural and abnormal. The problem isn’t between their legs, it is between their ears. It is a mental choice that can be reversed so as to return to the normal and natural human being that God created them to be in the first place. What ever happened to common sense?”

I wonder, what other important life lessons has Mr. Mathes learned from his dog?
1. Lick own anus
2. Have sex promiscuously, with strangers
3. If you can’t find a girl, use someone’s leg
4. Eat own poo
5. “What’s that? Timmy’s stuck in a well?”

A look at the “Editorials and Studies” section of his website (www.MissionGateMinistry.org) reveals that Mathes has some “unnatural” inclinations himself. His anecdotal “editorials” generally involve overwrought descriptions of depravity, and illogical, unbelievable vignettes. The section includes a personal message from Mathes: “I wrote the following articles to bless you.” One such blessing is a story of two twins, who grow up as complete opposites. The tale climaxes with a judge explaining to the crack-addicted, cop-killing Tom, "Around 3a.m. I was summoned to the court room because your brother Jerry surrendered himself to the authorities. You both are prefectly identical twins, you know. A convened court, found him guilty of first degree murder as charged and he was excecuted by hanging less than an hour ago."

Apparently, when Mathes isn't writing bizarre modern fables, or shooting form letters to any website that mentions gay rights, he doles out religious advice to prison inmates.

MARCH 2006