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Album Review: Infatuated with IDKHow’s ‘GLOOM DIVISION’

By Entertainment, Featured

‘GLOOM DIVISION’ (2024) by I Don’t Know But They Found Me

They’re taking over the world, one track at a time. I Don’t Know How But They Found Me is back with their second studio album, and it just might be the greatest album ever???

With a reputation riddled with alleged delays and even more alleged grand theft from former band member Ryan Seamen, lead singer-songwriter Dallon Weekes has found himself as a solo act, and a damn good one at that. 

The endearing ’80s and oh so funky alt-pop signature sound of IDKHow has returned and matured into its finest form. “GLOOM DIVISION” is an expertly executed theatrical affair poking fun at the flawed philosophies of the upper class.

DOWNSIDE,” the first track, starts slow and gradually builds tension. The track is an anxious trip to a place completely foreign until it isn’t. It suddenly switches into the familiar, yet brilliantly developed sound of IDKHow. 

The second, “GLOOMTOWN BRATS” is the swingy, catchy party girl track every album needs. Unlike the first track, “GLOOMTOWN BRATS” is provocative from start to finish. With a powerful, and britpop-y bassline reminiscent of mid-’90s Blur, “GLOOMTOWN BRATS” is an energetic punch that will catch you like a cold. It’s easily one of the best songs on the album.

The next song “INFATUATION” is alluring, and clearly a play on the romantic music of the ’80s. With hauntingly beautiful vocals and a subdued overall tone, “INFATUATION” is compelling and almost too perfect.

What love could be this vicious, and what track could be this delicious? “WHAT LOVE?” is a song so good it’s almost infuriating. The balance of vocals, guitar lines, and heavy bass is flawless. “WHAT LOVE?” is the perfect example of the wonderfully weird, and it doesn’t fail to deliver. 

SIXFT” is a swoony and endearingly mushy love song with a lyrical edge reminiscent of some of Dallon Weekes’ other songs like “From The Gallows” or “I Will Tonight.” “SIXFT” exemplifies the best quality of “GLOOM DIVISION” —- Weekes’ clear understanding of his own talents —  mixed with years of expertise. This song is a showcase of the graceful aging of IDKHow’s sound. 

A LETTER” is a shockingly good song, and despite it being over 19 years old it still manages to feel contemporary. It embodies another Dallon Weekes staple: reviving and reengineering a pre-existing song from Weekes’ large and long-running discography. Alongside its longevity “A LETTER” is also a much-needed break in the album’s pacing. It acts as a quiet moment between the slowing nature of “KISS & TELL” and the immediate energy of “SATANIC PANIC”. 

SATANIC PANIC” is a hectic and eccentric upbeat tune that you will never be able to get out of your head. It features their signature heavy bassline, as well as some deliciously smooth vocals, combined with uneasy lyricism that all function together perfectly. 

SUNNYSIDE [Feat. Will Joseph Cook]” is the pollyanna lo-fi little sister of “GLOOMTOWN BRATS.” It’s an optimistic yet gloomy oxymoron of a song that’s still charming in its own way.

The final track, “iDIOTS OF Oz” thematically fits with the techno sounds of some of the tracks off of IDKhow’s first album, “RAZZMATAZZ,” and separately utilizes snarky and self-assured lyrics that harken back to this previous album. “iDIOTS OF Oz ” is an interesting closing track, as it feels like a break in convention for “GLOOM DIVISION,” highlighted by a literal convention break in the capitalization of the song title. It doesn’t feel like a closing track. However, ending on this song feels intentional, as if to say “GLOOM DIVISION” is a thought left open. 

“GLOOM DIVISION” is an unsurprisingly fantastic album utilizing nearly every must-have of a quality IDKHow release, including overpowering bass lines, song revivals from past Weekes’ projects, theatrically layered vocals, dark biblically thematic lyrics, and outstanding mixing. 

In a world of music made for social media and established ‘old school’ bands re-releasing the same album every 2 years, “GLOOM DIVISION” manages to be a fresh and skill-filled take on a stylized ’80s sound. “GLOOM DIVISION” is a holy quarantine and certainly something more for my wild imagination. 

Album rating: 10/10

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SAIC Artist in Residence 2024 – Johnae Strong

By Multimedia

Johnae is an artist, a teacher, a mother, and a storyteller, who is currently an artist in residence at the Homan Square campus of SAIC. Like all residents, Johnae gets access to her Studio workspace and teaches community courses to people of all ages. She is using her time at Homan Square to build community relationships via her film practice, specifically with 16mm. In both her work and teachings, Johnae uses the written word to build her community. This video essay dives deeper into her motivations and how she came to work with SAIC.

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Deluge Disruption

By News, SAIC

Virginia Kennard (MFA Performance 2025) was attending winter classes at Ox-Bow School of Art & Artists’ Residency this January when she received an email notifying her of the flooding at SAIC Galleries 33 E. Washington St., where her studio is located. 

“There has been a water pipe burst in the building. The building is closed until further notice,” read the Jan. 18 email. Upon returning to Chicago, Kennard found herself without a space to accommodate her artwork and art material she was bringing back from Ox-Bow in Michigan. 

Sam Tripodi (MFA Photography 2024), Kennard’s studio neighbor, was affected by a similar, albeit smaller, flood in the same building around the same time last year. 

“A pipe broke in the building and caused the flood, but no one had to move out, except me and the person next to me because there was mold in the walls,” said Tripodi, recalling the incident. Although the first flood had minimal impact, Tripodi lost a significant portion of her displayed work. But she believes that the school learned to respond quickly. “I don’t know if they had strategies after the first one, but I’m guessing they kind of knew.” 

When Tripodi was notified of the new flood, she panicked. 

“We were shocked that they weren’t letting us come and take our work away, or telling us which studios had been affected,” she said. Her concern grew as she feared that the work was further deteriorating by sitting in water. However, for the next four to five days, there was no update from the school. “So it was like, have I lost all my work? What am I supposed to do with myself,” Tripodi said.

The lack of communication from the school left artists uncertain about the fate of their work. “Losing three weeks of time right now is terrible, when some of us have a show coming up in less than a month,” Tripodi said. 

The following week, students received emails stating that the damaged items and potential mold hazards had been eradicated. Now they could return to their studios. 

“I had said to myself I’m not worried about losing work like other people,” Kennard said. As a performance major who works primarily with body, she didn’t have specific artwork stored in her studio. So far, she’d been appreciative of the work the Academic Studio Operations had been doing. 

Her gratitude was short-lived. “When I returned to my studio ten days later, I said to myself, ‘Ah, actually, that’s not the case. There might be some more damage,’” she said. Kennard found a box with her books molding inside, some of which were checkouts from Flaxman Library. 

Nevertheless, Kennard considers herself fortunate in the incident. “I feel lucky, because I didn’t really lose any work. I’m thinking about other people. It is heartbreaking to have your work ruined right before an exhibition goes up,” Kennard said. 

Kyle Gregory Prince (MFA Performance 2025) echoed Kennard’s sentiment, expressing empathy for those who suffered bigger losses. “An old sewing machine in my studio got damaged, but I had nothing on the walls. I immediately knew there wasn’t any risk of losing artwork,” Prince said. “My heart immediately went out to those who lost work,” he added. 

For Painting and Drawing student Pedro Montilla (MFA 2025), the impact was profound. The pipe that burst was above his ceiling, resulting in heavy pressure water flowing directly into his studio. 

“I had a big painting that got very damaged,” he said. “And I had brought fabric from my country [Colombia] to work with, and it also got damaged.” 

Montilla paused when asked if the school handled the situation well. “I think the school has tried, but they have been a little sloppy. They have made some mistakes,” Montilla said. 

He believes some of the work was salvageable. “I was going to show this painting in an exhibition in Colombia, but the work is now damaged. When I arrived here, the painting was warped between chairs,” he said.

Montilla’s material was discarded while the building was still shut. “I didn’t even get to see it, though I understand they had to throw it to prevent mold from spreading,” he said. 

For now, Montilla is left without any material to work with, giving his studio a deserted look.

Tripodi too, returned to her studio to find her work mishandled. Although she was able to return to work immediately she is disappointed. “Maybe if we had been allowed to come in, we would have not lost our work,” she said.

“There has been damage that I can’t undo,” Kaiden Su (MFA 2024, Painting and Drawing) said, acknowledging the challenge of moving forward from the incident. While grappling with the aftermath he refrained from elaborating further. “I guess one thing I would say is that I hope that the school will consider implementing additional safety measures and not allow this to happen again in the future,” he said.

The school has extended some material support, but it’s limited.

“We have been sent reimbursement. We are supposed to do all the work and get receipts of the material, and wait for them to verify the documents and send the reimbursement,” Kennard said.

Tripodi, pointing at one of her drawings saved, said, “For a drawing like this, they would reimburse me $3 for the cost of the paper, what about the hours and hours of work I did on it?”

Montilla — who is waiting for his material to be shipped from Colombia — expressed hope. “The email said they will reimburse me for the material and I’m waiting for that to happen so I can resume my practice,” he said.

In response to the challenges posed by the flooding, SAIC’s Academic Studio Operations emphasized the paramount importance of safety. “Safety was our biggest concern, and given the risk of electrocution and the shutdown of all elevators, security systems, and fire suppression systems due to the flooding, it would have been irresponsible to let students in right away,” Thomas C. Buechele, Vice President for Facilities & Campus Operations, said. 

Acknowledging the severity of the situation, Buechele highlighted the thorough measures that were taken to ensure a safe environment for students, including the removal of water, restoration of security systems, and re-establishment of communication channels. Within less than a week of the flooding, students were permitted to enter the building safely to retrieve items from their studios, and within 15 days, full access was restored. 

Explaining the circumstances surrounding the burst pipe,  noted, “The pipe that burst was original to the building and was located within the floor above our spaces.” Despite regular inspections and the use of thermal cameras to detect potential issues, extreme weather conditions presented unforeseen challenges. Buechele underscored the proactive response taken in such situations, saying, “In the case of extremely frigid weather like we had right before the pipe burst, unfortunately, this type of situation is common in any building—commercial or residential, old or new—so often the best we can do is respond quickly and decisively, which we did here.” 

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“I have to speak”: Fares Alhalabi

By News, SAIC

Alhalabi’s work, photographed by him in his studio

Fares Alhalabi, a second year MFA student in the Printmedia department at 

the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, brings a range of experiences to his artistic journey. Originally from Syria, Alhalabi pursued his undergraduate degree in Drawing and Painting from 2008 to 2012 amidst the backdrop of Syria’s unfolding conflict, which started in 2011 with an uprising against the then regime.

Even as an undergraduate student in Syria Alhalabi knew he wanted to attend SAIC for graduate school. At that time, however, he wasn’t aware that this journey would be more than just a pursuit of academic excellence. It also became an escape from the turbulent events gripping his homeland. 

Alhalabi’s work, photographed by him in his studio

In his work, primarily centered around printmaking, Alhalabi draws inspiration from various sources, including publicly accessible imagery found on the internet. He juxtaposes these images with text, often rendering them illegible or stripped of meaning, to explore the nuances of propaganda and the power dynamics inherent in visual communication. 

Alhalabi’s artistic journey intersects with the unfolding history of the Syrian rebellion, which resulted in a full scale civil war in 2013. 

In 2011, just a year before Alhalabi’s graduation, Syrian adolescents scrawled anti-regime graffiti on public walls. They were arrested, held for days and tortured, in turn prompting demonstrations calling for their release. The government forces suppressed these protests with violent crackdowns and arrests, leading to widespread destruction and displacement of civilians. 

Fares Alhalabi photographed at SAIC (Credits: Khytul Qazi)

“I was absorbing all the effects of the war; losing close friends to the explosions; it was tough,” Alhalabi said, reflecting on the impact of the conflict on his life and artistic expression. 

In 2013, Alhalabi made the difficult decision to flee his homeland, seeking refuge in the United States. 

But his journey had just begun. Despite his academic aspirations and excellence, Alhalabi found himself navigating the complexities of the U.S. immigration system, spending years waiting for an interview that should have taken  180 days — the stated standard.  

“Everything was different. I did not speak the language very well,” Alhalabi said. “But I knew my goal was to go to the dream school.”

He did not have the financial capacity to attend SAIC. As a non-citizen, Alhalabi was ineligible for government loans or other types of aid. 

It took him nine years of perseverance, working various jobs at factories and restaurants to accumulate the funds needed to fulfill his dream of attending SAIC. 

Beyond Alhalabi’s personal narrative lies the broader context of Syria’s ongoing struggle. The rebellion that erupted in 2011 has since spiraled into a protracted conflict. The Syrian regime’s brutal crackdown on dissent marked by war crimes and human rights violations, has drawn international condemnation and has been met with consequences like imposed sanctions by entities such as the United States. 

Yet, as Alhalabi has observed, these sanctions, while aimed to be directed at the regime, often exacerbate the suffering of ordinary Syrians and impede the flow of humanitarian aid in one of the most vulnerable countries in the world.

The Turkey-Syrian earthquake in 2023 served as a stark reminder of the country’s fragility. 50,000 buildings were completely destroyed and 265,000 people left in urgent need of housing. This fragility was further compounded by the challenges of accessing international assistance amidst sanctions and bureaucratic hurdles. 

Challenging the common belief, Alhalabi believes that the earthquake wasn’t the only reason for destruction. “These buildings would have collapsed anyway because people in the buffer zone were living in extremely poor conditions,” he said. 

The “buffer zone” was established by Turkey in collaboration with rebel groups in Northern Syria. In addition to limited basic services such as clean water, sanitation and electricity, healthcare in this zone was rudimentary. These insecurities made daily life precarious, also taking a toll on the mental health of the residents. 

Amid the impact of international response, and the internal complexities in Syria, artists like Alhalabi find themselves grappling with the dual imperatives of artistic expression and political engagement. For many, the act of creating art becomes a form of resistance, a means of bearing witness to the condition of their people, and for demanding accountability. Alhalabi says that his being in the U.S. makes him feel more responsible for speaking up, for documenting. “I have to speak, especially being in an influential school like this,” he said.

Navigating the complexities of political art in a context fraught with censorship and repression poses many challenges. Artists are made to reckon with questions of representation, ethical responsibility, and the risks inherent in speaking truth to power. 

In the fall semester, Alhalabi created an artist book he titled “Ghaza” (Gaza), using news headlines along with images of Gazan journalists acquired from the internet. 

“We are lucky to live in this time when we have social media,” he said. “Coming from the Middle East, I know how difficult it has been getting the people’s narrative out to international communities.”

Alhalabi also said he believes it his moral responsibility to “remember Palestine and talk about it.” As of this writing, more than 29,000 Palestinians have been killed and more than 69,000 wounded by the Israeli forces.

He believes that his presence here can do a lot of work. For Alhalabi, human interaction and connection can trespass all borders, bureaucracy, and propaganda.

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Reimagining Jazz’s Funeral

By Arts & Culture, Entertainment, Featured

‘The Cry of Jazz’ (1959)

What comes to mind when you think of jazz? A horn player and a saxophone playing with melody lines?  A club from a bygone era? Something reminiscent of the past even when played today on your iPhone speakers? 

“The Cry of Jazz,” from 1959 is a black-and-white feature with a runtime of 34 minutes that transports the audience back to a critical period in history, similarly to how jazz can. The documentary, featuring a cast of six and performances by jazz luminaries like Sun Ra, boldly addressed the intricate relationship between jazz and the African American community post-World War II. In the film, the narrator, scholar Alex (played by Dorothea Horton), delivers a passionate and prophetic monologue that foretells the decline of jazz as a genre and its ripple effect on the social climate.

Through a mix of dramatic dialogue, music, and documentary footage, the film presents a thought-provoking commentary on jazz’s cultural and social significance. The film has rightfully earned acclaim for its profound cultural insights, securing its place as a significant work in the annals of cinematic history. 

The film’s unconventional blend of interviews, dramatized scenes, and jazz performances challenged filmmaking norms artistically. Its assertion of jazz as a symbol of black identity clashed with prevailing attitudes. The creator, Edward Bland explains how certain jazz critics voiced disapproval of the film’s portrayal of jazz as predominantly rooted in black culture and its dismissal of the contributions made by white musicians to the genre. 

Imagery courtesy of thecryofjazz.com

By presenting jazz as a symbol of African American cultural defiance, the film confronted the idealized notion of jazz as a harmonious medium of racial unity. It addressed themes of racial oppression, cultural appropriation, and the exploitation of African American art forms by white society. At the time of its release, some viewers found the film’s uncompromising critique of racism and cultural hegemony unsettling or confrontational.

While the film doesn’t explicitly address the notion of jazz’s death, it does confront challenges to its authenticity and integrity, suggesting that jazz’s survival depends on preserving its connection to its African American origins and resisting cultural commodification. Thus, in the context of discussions about the death of jazz, “The Cry of Jazz” can be seen as advocating for the preservation and revitalization of the genre through an affirmation of its cultural roots and significance.

Gene Siskel screened “The Cry of Jazz” in collaboration with the Coalition of Black Restorative Artists at SAIC during their 29th Annual Black Harvest Film Festival last fall. As the credits rolled, a haunting wail emerged from the audience. The atmosphere was charged with emotion as a woman rose from her seat and moved gracefully through the darkened theater, her melodic wails filling the space. The stage beneath the screen became a focal point as two men joined her — one strumming a large bass, the other singing. The woman approached the front stage beneath the screen, revealing herself as Angel Bat Dawid. 

Joined by a tambourine, clarinet, flute, and piano, the three performers of African descent alternated between instruments, infusing the room with an ode to jazz. Dawid is a Chicago-based avant-garde musician known for her innovative approach to jazz. She excels in playing multiple instruments and vocals, creating unique and emotionally resonant musical experiences. With a blend of improvisation and spoken word, Dawid addresses societal issues through her art, challenging audiences to think deeply while celebrating the cultural richness of jazz.

Dawid’s performance atThe Cry of Jazzshowcase served as a mourning ritual for the death of jazz, echoing the film’s themes. She challenged the audience to grapple with the movie’s controversial nature when it was released and its enduring relevance today. The audience was provided with instruments and participated in different calls and responses. She then asked white audience members onto the stage to discuss their perceptions of the film. For many long minutes, no one volunteered. Dawid questioned them, contesting someone to be brave enough to face her and discuss the contents of the film and the feelings of white guilt that many experience when discussing these matters. Dawid’s words addressed the perception of art, highlighting the tendency to categorize art as “black” or “white.” 

The visual elements accompanying Dawid’s performance added another layer to the narrative. Images flashed on the cinematic screen, illustrating how jazz played a pivotal role in forming R&B and gospel music. Clips played different people, pastors, and musicians speaking about jazz and gospel. The cyclical nature of art and culture unfolded before our eyes, revealing the interconnectedness of musical genres and their profound impact on society.

Through the screening of “The Cry of Jazz and Angel Bat Dawid’s performance, I experienced a unique and immersive experience. It was not just a showcase of artistic expression but a profound exploration of jazz’s cultural, social, and historical dimensions. As an art student, I left the festival with a deeper appreciation for the power of art to challenge, mourn, and transcend boundaries. The evening was a testament to the enduring legacy of jazz and its ability to evoke emotions that resonate across time and space.

This film proves the cyclical nature of art, music, and film. “The Cry of Jazz” encourages viewers to rethink conventional narratives about jazz and its place in American society, challenging us to consider the broader socio-political context in which music is created and consumed. In a time when conversations about representation, diversity, and social justice are prominent, the film serves as a valuable reminder of the complex historical and cultural forces that shape our understanding of music and identity. 

Overall, “The Cry of Jazz” remains a thought-provoking and timely work that invites audiences to engage critically with issues of race, culture, and artistic expression. Viewers can watch the whole film on YouTube or on the Library of Congress website.

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Film Review: ‘Lisa Frankenstein’ Proves Love Comes Crawling Out the Grave

By Entertainment, Featured

‘Lisa Frankenstein’ (2024)

“Lisa Frankenstein” (2024) is a bad movie.

Objectively. Critics have said it wanders through genres, the characters have little dimension, the writing is lackluster, and the  references to the 1980s are overwhelming.

I think it’s perfect.

Written by Diablo Cody, who is known for such hits like “Juno” and “Jennifer’s Body,” the movie takes relatively little from its 200-year-old literary canon source material.

Lisa Swallows (Kathryn Newton) is self-absorbed, impulsive, idealistic, and hopelessly romantic; her locker’s lock is heart-shaped. She’s perfectly 18. She’s not happy to be on this earth and has an obsession with the gravestone of a man (Cole Sprouse) who died a hundred years earlier. 

Sprouse’s character, soon to be our story’s Creature, is reanimated due to a killer lightning storm. Undead chaos ensues. Now an undead part-Frankenstein/part-zombie, he tracks down Lisa in a hysterical home-intrusion scene. 

Lisa and the Creature quickly form a bond, and the Creature begins living in her closet. That is, until he kills Lisa’s ghastly step-mother for attempting to put her in a psych ward. Lisa and her Creature spend the rest of the movie hunting down and murdering those who have wronged Lisa. And, of course, falling in love.

In short, the movie is unhinged.

While one of the looser adaptations of “Frankenstein,” it truly embraces the spirit of the story. With the help of an electrically faulty tanning bed, Lisa and her monster undergo a transformation together. No, literally, Lisa sews missing body parts from the people they murdered together onto the monster. They also grow emotionally, as the Creature can’t talk, which gives awkward Lisa a space to do all the talking. Lisa flourishes and becomes more outgoing and violent as the monster becomes a real person.

The movie also bends  traditional “Frankenstein” adaptations by reconfiguring the personality of the protagonist. Lisa is more like Mary Shelley herself rather than Victor Frankenstein. Shelley learned to write using her mother’s gravestone; Lisa does a charcoal rubbing of the Creature’s last name on his grave and writes her name above it. Lisa is a seamstress, which is much closer to a writer than a scientist. Both Lisa and Shelley lost their mothers at young ages and became social outcasts. They both have an odd relationship with death, finding love and comfort in it. After all, at its core “Lisa Frankenstein” is a movie about grief and confronting death.

Unlike Mary Shelley,  Lisa overcomes the trauma of her mother’s death by becoming a killer. She is rewarded with a messy, undead, codependent Creature husband.

The Creature is a perfect metaphor for Lisa’s grief over her mother’s recent death. He mauls her troublesome peers with an axe, the same weapon her mother was killed with. And he isn’t given a penis until after they’ve slaughtered the two men who have wronged Lisa. 

In many ways, the film is a commentary on how society refuses to acknowledge individuals unless they fit all of society’s norms. Lisa is ignored by almost everyone throughout the movie, even her neighbors ignore her as she screamed during the home invasion scene. 

Lisa’s step-sister, Taffy (Liza Soberan), is the opposite. She’s perfect and beloved by everyone because of it. That is, until she’s trembling and walking away from a graveyard covered in blood having just been kidnapped by Lisa. A passing car doesn’t even glance at her.

There’s care and love and artistry throughout this movie. The neon lights and mash of 1980s themes aren’t a detriment, they’re what make the movie. The colors are reminiscent of dramatic stage lighting. The scene in which Lisa is drugged at a party, and the sequence of her losing her grip on reality are the most beautifully rendered ‘high’ scenes I’ve witnessed in modern media. The colors, the distortion, Isabella Summers & Elise McQueen’s rendition of “I Can See Clearly Now” — It’s perfect for the narrative of the movie.

Speaking of the movie’s narrative, it did wander quite a bit through genres. We got romance, comedy, slasher, and influence from Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein,” “Heathers” (1988). Sometimes the film  takes murder seriously (Lisa’s initial freakout when the Creature kills her step-mother), and at other times disregards the matter entirely (the Creature tosses a security guard that could get our loveable duo into legal trouble into an open grave, killing her instantly.) The movie’s genre is just as cobbled together as Lisa’s Creature, and the film is all the better for it.

Not to mention the animated sequences in the beginning and towards the end of the movie. They’re done in a 2-D almost paper-like black and white animation style and are wonderfully cartoonish. The first is the story of Creature when he was alive, his unlucky experiences with love, and ultimately death. The second is a representation of Lisa losing her virginity to the Creature, which takes the Creature’s style of animation and combines it with Lisa’s love of old movies and silent films. The one bad thing I can say about this movie is the penetration innuendo in the second sequence may have ruined my love of George Méliès’ Bullet-to-the-eye-of-the-moon scene.  

The agreement between critics is that“Lisa Frankenstein” leaves a little to be desired. This critique — while professionally satisfying — is not the ruler with which to accurately measure “Lisa Frankenstein.” Instead, we must ask ourselves, what was “Lisa Frankenstein” promising and what did it deliver?

Audiences were promised a comedy. A campy tale of murder and dramatic teenage-dom at its peak. A love story. And that’s exactly what we got. “Lisa Frankenstein” is what every unseen, unheard teenager (and young adult or monster-lover) needs. 

I left the theater thinking:  What did I just watch and when can I watch it again?

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Slut Saga: The Anonymous Ones

By Featured, Literature

Illustration by Meghan Sim

This piece contains a content warning for suicidal ideation, depression, self-harm, and eating disorders. 

 

My sex life before being prescribed SSRIs was amazing.

I was a horny teenager. I masturbated daily — often two or three times a day — and I could make myself orgasm in minutes. Hard. I remember my orgasms as strong and long-lasting. 

I had so much fun with my solo-sex. Teenage me dreamed of the heightened pleasure I’d experience once I became sexually active with a partner. Great sex was all I wanted.

It still is…

…  

SSRIs (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are a type of drug commonly used to treat anxiety, depression, and mood disorders. The three most common SSRIs are Zoloft, Lexapro, and Prozac .… and in 2022, approximately 83.4 million people were prescribed one of these medications. 

 SSRIs work by increasing serotonin levels in the brain.

“Serotonin is a neurotransmitter (a messenger chemical that carries signals between nerve cells in the brain). It’s thought to have a good influence on mood, emotion and sleep. After carrying a message, serotonin is usually reabsorbed by the nerve cells (known as “reuptake”). SSRIs work by blocking (“inhibiting”) reuptake, meaning more serotonin is available to pass further messages between nearby nerve cells,” writes the National Health Society. (NHS) 

The leading theory states that mood disorders like depression and anxiety are likely caused by a deficiency of serotonin in the brain. Therefore, by increasing the amount of serotonin in the brain, the symptoms of these mood disorders can be decreased. 

But you know what else uses neurotransmitters in the neurological process? 

Sex. 

It is known that an increase in serotonin affects other hormones and neurotransmitters such as testosterone and dopamine. This may lead to side effects of sexual dysfunction, as testosterone may affect sexual arousal, and dopamine plays a role in achieving orgasm,” writes Pharmacists Kristyn Straw-Wilson and Elizabeth Jing.  

This is why SRRIs are infamous for producing reduced sexual desire, reduced sexual satisfaction, impotence, and anorgasmia (the inability to have an orgasm). 

The first time I seriously considered killing myself was in 2015 as a sophomore in high school. The timeline to get to that point wasn’t simple. I started thinking about all the ways a person could die as early as the 5th grade, but it wasn’t until the 9th grade I developed severe symptoms of depression and anxiety.

It was sometime after October 2013 when something in me dwindled and dimmed. I was 14 at the time, and suddenly, I was not smiling the same as before. By May 2014, my favorite history teacher at school had asked me if something was wrong (my shift in mood was that visible to outsiders), and by August 2014, I was in therapy. 

Fast forward a few months past August, and I fell in love with a boy. I adored him with the fervor that only a 15-year-old can feel, and when he broke up with me — because I was depressed and unable to maintain a relationship — my world crumbled. I stopped eating;  I began cutting; I hoarded and hid in my room approximately 70 pills (that my pediatrician had prescribed me for a different ailment) with the intention of eventually ending my life. 

Things didn’t get better after that. 

I continued to suffer throughout high school, two gap years, and two years of college with feelings of despair, debilitating hopelessness, depression, and anxiety. Four therapists came and went. I actively planned my death a number of other times and somehow managed to keep my eating disorder and self-harm a secret (not really). 

I wanted to try medication from a young age — foolishly thinking it would magically cure me — but because of the stigma around antidepressants, I never asked any of those four doctors about it. 

I was 21 in 2021, and with my newfound adulthood came a newfound strength to advocate for myself in ways I had previously been too shy for. I finally had the courage to ask Therapist #5 about the possibility of medication. 

This older woman on Zoom had only known me for 50 minutes, but she agreed that with my debilitating depression and anxiety, I would likely benefit from antidepressants. Therapist #5 put me in touch with Therapist #6, and Therapist #6 immediately prescribed me Zoloft. 

I was so ecstatic at the prospect of finally being cured that I kept a journal titled ‘The Zoloft Diaries.’ In it, I tracked my mood changes over the course of two weeks. I transcribed ‘The Zoloft Diaries’ into an essay, comparing my text to Paul Preciado’s “Testo Junkie,” and handed in that as my final paper for a philosophy class. 

I was on Zoloft, and I wanted everyone to know. 

It was also around this time that I met a man with whom I’d — unsurprisingly — fall in love again. He was the first person I took to bed. 

Most people don’t achieve an orgasm the first time they have sex, but even under those awkward first-time circumstances, I could tell something was off. My body wasn’t responding the way I was used to: I wasn’t aroused, and his fingering felt okay rather than good, or ideally, great

It only took my SSRIs five days to ruin my sex drive. 

A few months later, when I mentioned this unnerving sexual numbness to Therapist #6, and suggested switching from Zoloft to another medication, their response was, effectively, to suck it up. 

I was told in broad terms that it was “more important to stay alive than to cum.” Their priority as a doctor was to keep me from killing myself … and besides, the sexual side effects would likely diminish with time. I just had to hold out. 

A year passed and nothing changed. 

I engaged in unfulfilling sex, going through the motions because I loved my now-boyfriend (the guy I had fallen in love with), but not because it brought me any physical pleasure. 

I grew increasingly ashamed of the failures of my body. 

I routinely dismissed any attempts he made at pleasuring me because I couldn’t find anything that made me feel more than just neutral

When I brought up my sexual numbness to Therapist #7, she lowered my dosage in an attempt to reduce the negative sexual side effects but refused to take me off the medication entirely. 

“There’s a procedure I have to follow,” she said, “I have to explore every possibility — every dosage — with your current medication before I can switch you to something else.” 

I was once again made to hold out. 

More months and months of my partner getting off every time we had sex, but not me. I liked the emotional intimacy of sex, but not much else. The way I viewed my body and my relationship to sex was, by now, profoundly tainted by the notion that I was inherently no better than an object. I was there to offer him pleasure, but not deserving of it myself. 

I felt like a tool. Tools are not made to feel pleasure, but rather, offer a service to the user. My body was nothing more than a glorified fleshlight. 

Eventually, when the lower dosage proved to be unsuccessful, Therapist #7 switched my medication from Zoloft to Lexapro. Although rare, some people who do not feel sexual arousal on one medication find a way to regain their sexual feelings on another. We had no reason to believe this would be the case for me, but it was my only hope.

I think the truth is we both knew SSRIs did not work for me, but the way medicine is practiced in the United States doesn’t allow for deviation from the checklist of procedure. 

According to some studies, 40% of SSRI users will suffer from sexual dysfunction, with that number reaching as high as 73% for users on certain medications. There are so many SSRI users who have endured what is now being called “chemical castration,” but despite the commonness of these side effects, practitioners and drug companies offer few alternatives.  

There are so many of us, The Anonymous Ones, going about our days and living our lives with the heavy secret of antidepressant-induced sexual impotence. 

And it’s a burdensome and isolating secret. 

It often feels like there is no one to turn to — sometimes not even our doctors. 

We might turn to our partners, but while they might be sympathetic toward our conditions, sometimes that gap of experience is stress-inducing and fracturing to a relationship. 

We might turn to our friends, but it’s a hard and embarrassing conversation to have. There is already a stigma around depression and medication. How are we supposed to pile sexual dysfunction onto that negative stereotype? 

Because we often choose to be anonymous (even within the depressed community), we can’t tell who is going through a similar situation. Where are the people who feel broken in the same way I do? — sometimes because of my depression and other times because of my sexual dysfunction.

Who could possibly understand me? 

Today, Therapist #8 gave me the green light to stop taking my SSRIs. It sounds cliché, but a weight was lifted from my shoulders when I heard those words. I had been yelling into a void for three years, and only now had someone listened to me. I finally felt seen and validated after feeling invisible for so long. I exhaled in relief and sunk into my seat. 

I immediately researched how long it would take for me to regain my sexual capabilities after tapering my SSRIs to zero. According to the internet, anywhere between a couple of weeks to a couple of months — if ever. 

Some people never bounce back. 

But I’m young and I only took SSRIs for three years. The fatty cells in my body (where the SSRI chemicals are stored) should be able to purge themselves in time. My doctor and I are hopeful.

… 

So, now that I’m off SSRIs, what will I be doing to avoid the deep suicidal depression that I described above?

There’s a big difference in who I was at the age of 15 and who I am now — just a few months shy of my 25th birthday. I have grown in ways I never expected to (not to mention that I did not believe I was going to age this much in the first place). The older I get, the more resources I collect to help me stay safe in times of danger. 

First of all, with therapist #8, I’ve finally found the right doctor. She’s kind and wise and funny, and I adore her very much. There is finally a medical professional I can trust.  

Second, I’ve built the valuable resource of a community in Chicago. I haven’t been here for long, but I already have a long list of dear friends who would act as a support system if things got rough. Together, we operate under the belief that “we’d rather listen to each other speak, than listen to each other’s eulogies.” We’re here to uplift each other, to care for each other, and protect each other when one of us needs to be nursed back into a healthy mental state. 

Lastly, I have developed the language and the skills to recognize when I want to hurt myself. I feel equipped with the strength to ask for help when the time comes to speak up. 

…It might seem silly, but I have a gut feeling that I’ll be alright. 

There’s a little voice in my head that is confident going off SSRIs is the right decision. I’m hopeful because, for some unknown reason, this is the first time in many years that I do not experience seasonal depression. It’s likely because I have all these protective measures set around me. 

There is irony in the choice (and sacrifice) of being mentally healthy, but sexually unhealthy, which brings on a depression all of its own.

I’ve been alienated from my body and from my sexual pleasure for so long, I don’t know what the alternative feels like anymore. It’s fucked up and confusing, and I’m angry I spent my formative sexual years suffering under the negative mindset that my body was to be used rather than enjoyed. I’m sad that I never once prioritized myself during sex during that time. I’m troubled that I dehumanized myself daily. As my SSRI side effects lessen, I hope to unlearn these behaviors and learn new ones. 

Part of me feels like I lost three years of my life to SSRIs and the seven doctors who refused to listen to me. 

It is not my intention to demonize SSRIs. I simply envy those who can have their cake and fuck it too — the users who can experience the life-saving effects of antidepressants without the demoralizing side effects.

I wish that was me, but it’s not. 

So what can we as a society do to better support the anonymous depressed and anxious folks suffering from SSRI-related sexual side effects? What conversations can we have about sex, depression, medication, and the medical system that will uplift — rather than isolate — The Anonymous Ones? What can we do to improve this pressing but unsaid problem?

Because my bet is that you’ve met an Anonymous One. You just don’t know it. 

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Heat Death

By Comics, Featured Comics

Heat Death
By Veronica Timble

Panel 1: Text reads: The World Ended in a fiery eruption of raw heat and energy.
Image shows a purple and black explosion in space. Sound effect reads: “BOOOOOOM”

Panel 2: Text reads: “But before that…”
Image shows a suburban backyard from a bird’s eye view. The roof of the suburban house is visible, and the backyard has clipped shrubs and a white-picket fence.
Panel 3: Text reads: “We had 326,028,417 days of good, American summer.”
Image shows a barbecue with hot dogs and meat on it.
Panel 4: Text reads: “Every week we would come up with new things to say to one-another.”
Image shows a cooler filled with ice and beers.
Panel 5: Text reads: “We would eat, and drink, and eat again.
Image shows a porch with a set of matching patio furniture and umbrella.”
Panel 6:Text reads: “And sometimes, while floating face-up in the pool, staring at the sky… We were overcome with a joy so powerful we thought we could burst.”
Image shows a pool with pink pool floats from a birds-eye perspective.

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A Tale of Becoming

By Comics, Featured Comics

Page 1:
Panel 1: A man fixing his tie
Panel 2: Two people conversing while one has a phone in their hand
Panel 3: A person in Lolita fashion standing on a train
Caption:
I see all kinds of people on the train, businessmen on their way to work, teenagers huddled
around a phone, and very occasionally, a pastel, frilly cupcake silhouette, accompanied by a
head of curly pigtails and a laced headpiece, silently commuting to their stop.

Page 2:
Panel 1-2: Women in Rococo fashion in elaborate picture frames
Panel 3: A shot of Harajuku, Japan
Panel 4: Two dress forms in different outfits in Otome-kei
Caption: This fashion subculture is called Lolita. Taking inspiration from Victorian clothing and
French Rococo, this movement first started during the 1970s, in Harajuku, Japan – a major hub
of extreme and outlandish fashion. Some consider its predecessor to be Otome-kei, a hyper
feminine fashion style that is comparatively more casual than Lolita fashion. Similarly, the cute
and elegant image is vital to both styles.

Page 3:
Panel 1: Image of Mana from the band Malice Mizer
Panel 2: Image of a character from the film Kamikaze Girls
Panel 3: A hand holding a fashion magazine with many other magazines in the background
Caption: From its birth to the turn of the millennium, Lolita fashion was then popularized by
Visual Kei bands like Malice Mizer and the hit film “Kamikaze Girls”.The subculture thus earned
a reputation in fashion magazines of the time like Fruits! Magazine and Keroauc Magazine,
which focused on documenting Harajuku fashion trends.

Page 4:
Panel 1: A girl in Lolita fashion looking at clothing poster
Panel 2: The girl walks down the street with other people
Panel 3: The girl turns her head back after listening to some people make comments about her
– “What the hell was she wearing? Is she going somewhere?”, “Shh…!!! She can still hear us,
you know!”
Caption: However, under the countless layers of petticoats and dresses gilded with lace, lies a
revolution of cuteness. It is a rebellion against western beauty standards, a rebellion against
societal expectations of adulthood, a rebellion against all the forces in the world that stop you
from being yourself.

Page 5:
Panel 1: Interviewees standing on a balcony
Caption: “Humans are cowards in the face of happiness, you need courage to hold onto
happiness” -Momoko Ryugasaki (Kamikaze Girls)
Being a modern day Lolita definitely isn’t easy. Depending on the location you live in, the
treatment you end up receiving from people may differ.
Kathlyn (Switzerland): “I have really bad anxiety and people in Switzerland just shamelessly
stare. A lot of people have taken pictures of me without consent.”
Rion (Shanghai): “One time in Shanghai, a drunk man grabbed my wrist without warning ‘cause
he wanted a picture with me and I kinda freaked out.”
Honney (Mexico): “Being a Lolita will always be a little hard since the fashion was created to
make society uncomfortable.”

Page 6-7:
Panel 1: A group of people in Lolita fashion standing in a circle with their backs against each
other
Caption: One thing’s for sure, it takes a lot of love and passion to wear Lolita fashion out in
public, where judgement seems to follow them around everywhere. Like stars shining bright, this
is how Lolitas would like to see themselves, and this is precisely who they are, adorned by the
embrace of lace and ribbons.
Rion: “It makes me feel pretty! I used to be extremely uncomfortable with my femininity but I
think lolita started making me feel happy in my own skin.”
Nole: “It gives me a lot of self-satisfaction, I look pretty and I feel special in ways that ordinary
clothing cannot convey.”
Kathlyn: “I feel like I’m living my childhood dream. I grew up in a very strict Asian household and
lolita always makes me feel like I finally made it.”
Samantha Marie: “Lolita makes me so happy. I feel like I’m at my strongest when I’m in a good
coordinate, I feel powerful and femme. The way it looks, the colors that make up the outfit, the
way the items feel on my body all bring me so much joy. Lolita always feels extra fun to put on
and go out in. I love the community that forms around it too.”
Jai: “I gained a confidence I didn’t know I had, growing up I struggled with my gender. It was
always easy to dress boyish and masculine but I couldn’t find anything that truly made me feel
feminine until I found lolita fashion.”
Honney: “Lolita fashion makes me feel like myself, I have tried so many styles but I never felt
myself.”
K: “Dressing in lolita and creating coordinates is self-fulfilling to me as it allows me to create an
image of myself where I can embrace my femininity despite my gender identity.”
Vanya: “It makes me feel pretty and confident. It is also a very nice community that makes you
feel included and that you belong somewhere.”

Page 8:
Panel 1: A lolita and another person are going down the escalator
Panel 2: An incoming train is arriving at the platform
Panel 3: The person and the lolita are waiting by the platform

Caption: While the motive behind this culture primarily benefits the self, I think the act of
partaking in Lolita fashion has impacts beyond personal needs. It can be incredibly inspiring to
people who are in the process of finding themselves, of self discovery; to people who don’t feel
comfortable in their own skin; to people who may not yet have the confidence to become what
they want to be.

Page 9:
Panel 1: Closeup of the person’s face
Panel 2: The person trying on different clothes saying, “Crop tops are trendy these days, right?”,
“Isn’t wearing a dress too attention seeking?”, “The loud noise from walking in heels makes me
uncomfortable.”
Panel 3: Another lolita exits the train and passes by the person
Caption: For me, strained by the insecurities and uncertainty that often comes with teenage
years, it was nothing short of a magical encounter upon discovering lolita fashion and seeing
Lolitas unapologetically expressing themselves, braving the eyes of the public.

Page 10:
Panel 1: The two lolitas greet each other
Panel 2: The two lolitas go up the escalator
Caption: They redefined what it meant to be true to oneself, how self confidence can be
embedded into cream-colored lace wrist cuffs, and how heavy these small triumphs weigh in a
world that might otherwise feel suffocating.

Page 11:
Panel 1: The person reaches out her hand to one of the Lolitas
Panel 2: The lolita turns her head around
Panel 3: The person says, “I just wanted to tell you two that I love your outfits and everything.”
Panel 4: The lolitas reply saying, “Oh, thank you!” and “That’s really sweet of you to say.”
Caption: This is not a tale of a single person’s becoming, this is a collection of beautiful stories
woven together, with one story influencing the next.

Page 12:
Panel 1: The person opening their closet
Panel 2: The person holds out a dress on a hanger
Panel 3: A person with a hairdresser behind them holding up a mirror
Panel 4: Legs with mismatched songs
Panel 5: A person with a big jacket, and someone saying, “It’s a serve” outside the frame.
Caption: While not a lot of people see lolita fashion as something they would ever try in life, I
hope the composure and self-assurance of lolita culture can inspire you to do things you’ve
always wanted to do, but never did. So go dye your hair a color you’ve always wanted, wear
outrageously mismatched socks today, buy the jacket you don’t think you’ll pull off. Life is too
short to be denying yourself of who you are and who you want to become!

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Loving the Monster: The Ballad of Monstrous Men and ‘You’

By Entertainment, Featured, Literature

Photo illustration by Sanjana Joshi

 

A previously published version of this article erroneously stated the release date of Season 2 episode 4 of ‘You.’ This text has since been updated to reflect the correction. 

“I can fix him.”

It’s a phrase that spreads around the internet like wildfire every time TikTok, Tumblr, and the rest get ahold of a new problematic favorite character — especially skinny, hot, murderous white men. As movie and television studios comb through the literary landscape to find new gems to bring to the screen, more and more of these men enter the villain-to-protagonist zeitgeist. 

More often than not these are characters that have tragic backstories they use to justify inflicting violence and stalking on others — often, but not always, on women.

Meanwhile, in the literary world, there is a rise in stories written by women told from the villain’s point of view, including dark romances featuring gaslighting and manipulative male characters. The inner monologue crafts the narrative and in some cases, delves into the antihero’s monstrous thoughts.

When these tropes get translated onto the screen, do these monstrous men lose some of their monstrosity? Their behavior is more rationalized by the lens of the camera — something that a movie like “Saltburn,” which came out last November, sidesteps by not having source material with which to compare it. Do adaptations glamorize the monster?

“You” is a fascinating example of this character trope and problematic transformation from novel to screen. No, not you, but “You” — Netflix’s bloody stalker romance series based on the book series of the same name by Caroline Kepnes that follows unlucky-in-love book lover Joe Goldberg (played by Penn Badgley) and the pile of bodies he leaves behind him as he goes on his romantic journey to find “the One.” 

The show’s structure tries to retain Joe’s depraved inner monologue from the books by including near-constant voice-over throughout each scene. This creates some interesting and fun moments, but it is very different from the constant creepy thoughts within the book.

So far “You” has seen three full-length seasons, with a fourth season split into not one but two highly-anticipated releases, and a fifth season on the horizon.

Joe is the heart of the show, and what a twisted heart it is. We last saw him spiraling out of control after fleeing to the U.K., and living out a BBC Sherlock-esque mystery. It’s a far cry from the simple Season 1 story of stalking, falling for, gaslighting, and murdering an MFA Creative Writing candidate in New York.  

With nearly every kill, there remain reasons to root for TV Joe. He’s kind to the bullied and disadvantaged young kids that populate the various seasons. One of my favorite scenes from Season 3 is when Joe and his wife, Love Quinn-Goldberg (played by Victoria Pedretti), murder their neighbor for being an anti-vaxxer and infecting their baby with measles. TV Joe is a monster, but he’s redeemable. He’s doing it for love (lower case, usually), and he wants to be a hero, as many antiheroes do. 

Book Joe is a very different beast. There are no kids he protects. He does eventually have a baby, but he is never allowed to be a father because Book Love knows he is dangerous. His kills are not justifiable, his stalking is far worse, and his thoughts are constantly sexually threatening. The women he chases after are not “the One.” They are his prey. Book Joe even ends up in prison, whereas TV Joe never seems to be caught or punished. 

In the show, you can’t help but find something likable about him. Even his voice-over is often funny. There are a myriad of YouTube videos of quirky clips of Joe and listacles online of reasons the audience loves him. Badgley is often in interviews and on X (formerly Twitter), reminding fans that Joe is not a good person.

When Season 5 drops, I’ll be joining the millions of viewers tuning in to see where the story goes, because it’s damn engaging. The series has now heavily diverged from the source material of the books; Joe has become less the terrifying and overtly sexual stalker and more a romanticized killer.

Television and film do something strange to these kinds of literary antagonistic protagonists. Even the latest installment in “The Hunger Games” franchise was subjected to this treatment. “The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes” is a prequel set 50 years before the original books and repurposes one of the series’ villains as the protagonist. There is no question that Coriolanus Snow (played by Tom Blyth) is a terrible person, and the prequel sees both his rise to power as well as his loss of his last bit of morality through his relationship with Lucy Gray (Rachel Zegler). 

One of the biggest differences between the book and the film is that Movie Coriolanus is more of a tortured soul, whose motivations and actions often seem well-intended because his inner monologue isn’t present for the audience to read. Thus, some of the creepiest book lines are cut from the movie.

Coriolanus Snow and Joe Goldberg are surprisingly similar characters — though if they ever met, they would probably want to kill each other. Funnily enough, they even have the same audiobook narrator (Santino Fontaine). These are men who are trying to get ahead in life and killing as needed. Spoiler: both of them end up murdering (or attempting to murder) the very women they claim to love.  

Stalking, gaslighting, and assault are all very real threats in relationships, especially for women, and these are books marketed toward women audiences and written by women authors. The dark intentions of the main characters are part of the appeal because they give insight into a reality and play into a taboo sexual fantasy. 

In both the novels “You” and “The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes,” the real monster lives in the minds of the main characters. The screen refuses to capture that quite the same way. Film and TV let these characters off the hook when the books don’t. The real question is why.

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Books for Pi Day

By Featured, Literature

Illustration by Aditi Singh

 

Decadence. Panache. (Or ganache in the case of some of these novels!) These indulgent stories by women writers are a delicious reminder that sometimes, more is more. 

These three books for Pi Day will have you kicking counting calories to the curb, and they might even change your perspective on your body, diet culture, and gendered connotations surrounding food and eating. These novels have their cake and eat it too … or their pie that is.

 

“A Certain Hunger” by Chelsea G. Summers

Ex-food writer and current convict Dorothy Daniels would write a less-than-appreciative review of the food at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility, if only someone would ask. Dorothy is a woman with a refined palette, particular appetite and wit — not to mention disdain for those around her. 

One cup grotesque and two tablespoons outrageous, Dorothy painstakingly relays her story from farm-to-table origins to her eventual bust.

With chapters named for Dorothy’s favorite dishes (including recipes made with cuts from her many lovers), the novel’s strength is the keenness of the narrator, who is equal parts pretentious foodie, sexually-ravenous cannibal, and celebrity criminal. 

“A Certain Hunger” satirizes psychopaths and serial killers. The novel reimagines gender through its appropriation of characteristics more frequently attributed to men, especially criminals and deviants. Dorothy is a self-proclaimed “woman psychopath, the white tiger of human psychological deviance,” and she’s hilarious.

What elevates “A Certain Hunger” from campy horror-satire to satire with a dash of really clever cultural commentary is Summer’s subtle irony and smart humor, the insight she proffers into the male-dominated world of high culinary arts through Dorothy’s nose-in-the-air narration and comfort in the kitchen.

It’s about female appetite, both in the kitchen and in the bedroom, and leaves readers wondering what stops them from fulfilling their own certain hunger.

 

“Milk Fed” by Melissa Broder

Miriam keeps over pouring Rachel’s yogurt.

There are two frozen yogurt spots near the talent agency where Rachel works in L.A., Yogurt World and Yo!Good. 

Yo!Good has low-calorie options, making it the obvious choice for Rachel’s obsessive calorie-counting lifestyle. But Yo!Good isn’t self-serve, what a conundrum! 

Then the regular yogurt boy at Yo!Good is gone, and in his place is a gorgeous, voluptuous, giggly, bi-curious Orthodox Jewish woman named Miriam whose attitudes about food will be liberating for Rachel.

Rachel heals her relationship with food while Miriam heals her relationship with sex and sexuality. The surreal experience of reading this book is grounded by the gollum, the fat clay figure Rachel’s therapist has her make to deal with her body insecurities right before Miriam arrives.

It’s a modern, dairy-soaked romance about beauty standards and food. It’s a fun, queer take on diet culture and it’s also just super sexy and tasty. It’s like yogurt and sprinkles.

There’s an abundance of milk and mommies and therapy and wet dreams, but don’t let that deter you.

“Milk Fed” makes you feel good again, and reminds you that you can have, and eat, the things you want. 

It’s a big, delicious, mommylicious romp.

 

“Happy Hour” by Marlowe Granados

If you’re more in the mood for drinks over snacks, give “Happy Hour” a taste. 

Isa and Gala are 21 and surviving on hot dogs from the bodega and the proceeds from the vintage clothing stall they rent at an artist market in Brooklyn. 

Luckily, they are very charming and find themselves out most nights drinking and socializing for free with a variety of friends and dates.

Everyone in New York is obsessed with grinding. They keep asking Isa and Gala what they are trying to accomplish this summer.

Isa and Gala are not trying to accomplish anything. They are accomplishing by enjoying their lives and having experiences and getting people to buy them free oysters and cocktails. Only the girl they are renting the room from at the hostel is overcharging them, so they’re going to have to hunt her down on the beach. 

“Happy Hour” by Marlowe Granados is a wonderful coming-of-age novel for a new era of twenty-somethings. It manages to be intelligent and laugh-out-loud funny as it takes the reader on a boozy New York adventure through a summer with two wild best friends. 

Although there are countless parties and 5 a.m. nights, readers will spend “Happy Hour” thinking Isa and Gala are anything but vapid. Isa is an enchanting narrator and her beer-bottle-wielding best friend is hypnotic.

Readers will wish they had never read “Happy Hour” just so they can read it again for the first time. It’s that kind of book, the kind readers fall in love with and feel part of, like they’re there with Isa and Gala during that transient, passing summer.

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How Title IX Fails Those It Promises To Protect

By Featured, SAIC

Illustration by Ellie Gerken

In a class offered in Spring 2020, international students were asked to raise their hands because the white teacher wanted to know how many non-native English speakers were in the room, said one of the students.

“She framed it differently as if we were very different. It was like separating people, almost alienating us. I hadn’t experienced that before,” said the student, who graduated in the spring of 2023 and was also a Resident Advisor for two years. (F Newsmagazine is not naming the former student to protect her privacy.)

The international student contacted the School of the Art Institute’s Title IX office to report the behavior, as she was deeply impacted by it. But the way the Title IX office responded and handled her inquiry left her even more disappointed, she said.

“My feelings were invalidated by them,” she said, adding that the whole experience was emotionally upsetting. “They just told me that this was not a racial misconduct, and that I had to apologize to the teacher instead.” 

After the incident, she dropped the class. But it wasn’t the first or the last disappointing experience an SAIC student had with the school’s Title IX office.

Several students who spoke to F Newsmagazine expressed dissatisfaction with the way SAIC’s Title IX office handles cases of abuse and discrimination.

SAIC established the Title IX office in compliance with federal law passed as part of the Educational Amendments of 1972. Verron Fisher, the deputy director of SAIC’s Title IX office, said the office is “dedicated to addressing complaints of sex discrimination, harassment, and sexual misconduct, while promoting awareness and support for all members of the SAIC community.”  

However, according to several former and current students, the Title IX office hasn’t been particularly helpful when they sought support in cases of sexual abuse, harassment, and discrimination.

For example, when a former SAIC student who spoke on the condition of anonymity was assaulted outside the Sharp Building in 2019, the Title IX office sent only one email after the incident. According to the student, who is a BFA 2022 graduate, in the email that was sent to her, the office outlined the 16 free counseling sessions. There was no further follow-up, the student said.

“It felt kind of like an obligation that the school felt to provide one resource and then be done with the issue. Whereas I’ve, you know, been living with that for many years now. And it’s not something that I ever felt could be talked about at school,” she said. “Follow up is something that’s incredibly important in sensitive cases involving abuse, assault, and stalking. I think having that follow up is because those issues provide long lasting complex trauma that isn’t going to be solved in one interaction or one email.”

Fisher said that her office promptly investigates the reports and offers support and resources to individuals involved in Title IX cases and also collaborates with various departments and offices within SAIC to ensure a coordinated response to Title IX issues. 

“We work closely with Human Resources, Student Affairs, Counseling Services, and other relevant entities to provide a comprehensive support system,” Fisher said.

That wasn’t the experience for the former student who was assaulted in front of Sharp. Beyond that one email, she didn’t receive any support from Title IX.

The abuse affected her mental health and well-being so much that she said she felt unsafe walking around campus. When she had night classes and the Title IX office did not offer help, she had to personally write to all her professors about the incident and how it affected her, which she said felt like rehashing the old wound over and over again.

“I felt embarrassed and ashamed for repeatedly emailing my professors individually and saying that I was still dealing with the trauma of an incident that I felt should have been reported to them by Title IX and not me,” she said. “Why is my victimization my burden?”

Another student who graduated last spring also shared their experience of not receiving the support from the Title IX office they expected after they were assaulted.

“I went to them after I was assaulted in my freshman year. It was by someone not affiliated with the school, and I had deleted most of the evidence. They offered to help me file a police report, but since I had no evidence, I declined,” the former student said. “I was told to go to counseling at the school, but at that time appointments had to be booked two weeks in advance, and the earliest ones were while I was in class, so I gave up,” they said.

Mitch Abrams, PsyD, is a licensed sport, clinical, and forensic psychologist. He said that the least a university can do is offer mental health counseling immediately after a student is assaulted. If victims have to wait a long time after an assault, it can lead to “repeated victimization,” he said.

“Universities need to provide mental health services immediately. Because if survivors don’t receive treatment or mental health services in a timely manner, they may develop paranoia that leads them to not trust anyone, including the treatment providers who can help them,” said Abrams.

How does the Title IX office actually work at SAIC?

To understand how the Title IX office works at SAIC, it is important to know that the Department of Education dictates the process of filing cases, Fisher said in an email interview.

At SAIC, once a student reaches out to the Title IX office, Fisher said, they will be given guidance on how to proceed, which may include filing a formal complaint, seeking support services, or initiating a Title IX investigation, depending on the nature of the issue. “The Title IX staff member will guide the student through the necessary steps and provide information about any relevant deadlines or requirements,” she said.

On average, SAIC receives 85 to100 inquiries each academic year, Fisher said. But only a small percentage of those inquiries fall into a Title IX classification. 

“And of those that are Title IX cases, most are resolved informally — at the request of the complainant — without going through a formal investigation process. All Title IX cases that are filed are resolved,” Fisher said.

According to Fisher, all Title IX staff members have undergone special training to handle sensitive situations. “To work in the Title IX office, individuals typically undergo comprehensive training that includes understanding the legal aspects of Title IX, recognizing signs of harassment and discrimination, conducting investigations, and supporting victim survivors or the parties involved. Title IX staff undergo comprehensive training on topics such as trauma-informed practices, cultural competency, confidentiality, investigation procedures, and providing support and resources to those affected by harassment or discrimination,” Fisher said.

In recent years, several Title IX cases at SAIC have come under the public spotlight.

The resignation of Michael Bonesteel, a former adjunct professor, in 2017 made national headlines as two Title IX complaints were filed against him for his behavior that some students found offensive. At the time, Bonesteel had his two classes reassigned, and the school mandated harassment and discrimination training as a condition for renewing his one-year contract. This led to Bonesteel’s resignation, and after he left the school, characterizing the student who filed the complaint against him as “a small cadre of militant LGBT students with an authoritarian agenda.

The next year, a former SAIC student sued the school, alleging that former faculty member John Phillips repeatedly abused her, affecting her psychological well-being. While the case has been settled, the School’s former Title IX coordinator was also a defendant in the case, as the student alleged that the school’s policies and procedures failed to properly investigate and/or address Phillips’ actions.

Is Title IX a broken system?

Title IX as we know it today was introduced in 1972 during the administration of former President Richard Nixon. Representative Patsy T. Mink authored and sponsored the bill, leading to its implementation among several academic institutions in the country, prohibiting sex discrimination. Over the years critics have raised their concerns about the limitations of Title IX. As it’s written, the rules are unable to address all discrimination and abuse that a student might encounter in educational spaces.

A 2022 USA Today investigation stated that the “Schools accused of violating Title IX – which bans sex discrimination across all aspects of education, including athletics and sexual harassment – have little to fear from the Office for Civil Rights; they can openly defy the agency, withhold records and fail to heed agreements with impunity.”

The article continues: “When it comes to cracking down on campus sexual misconduct, USA TODAY found, universities operate in a flawed system with inconsistent enforcement and little meaningful punishment.”

During the Trump administration, several changes were made into Title IX that critics argued made it more difficult for survivors to come forward. Title IX is currently being reviewed by the White House, as the Biden-Harris administration unveiled their plan in 2022 to codify it, making it more trans-friendly. 

Several people, including students at SAIC, say the entire Title IX process should be survivor-friendly first and foremost. “I think a lot of the issue comes from making students who report incidents feel like they have to bear the burden of everything. It’s a lot of responsibility to shoulder when you’re filing a complaint. There comes a lot of blame and frustration with that,” said the student from the Sharp Building incident. “And I think that if administration or any counseling services could make it so that there was just more of a sense of trust and comfort that you as a reporter won’t be penalized and won’t be made a target, that could just do so much.”

What SAIC can do to make the school safer for students

In 2019, Jazmin Chapman, a former SAIC student from the Fiber and Material Studies department, filed a complaint at Title IX against a male student. Chapman said the student violated and preyed on her and spread rumors about them being in a sexual relationship. She wasn’t the only victim. She said the student named in the report had a history of abusing other women and taking advantage of them while under the influence of substances.

But the way the school handled the case left Chapman disheartened, as no serious action was taken against the student. 

“He basically got off scot free; he got a slap on the wrist with an in-school suspension, which meant that I couldn’t be 30 feet near him and he couldn’t be 30 feet near me. Where the issue was with that is we lived in the same dorm, and we lived on the same floor. And they [housing] were not going to move him out,” Chapman said. “So at the end of the day, I just decided to move out because I wasn’t feeling safe. And I moved to the seventh floor. But I was still seeing him around school, which was very triggering for me.” 

Chapman said it was unfair for her to live next door to someone whom she had a history of abuse with. Because she felt unsafe, she left the school altogether, transferring elsewhere.

“Although an in-school suspension is nice when you transfer schools or when you leave for the summer, it doesn’t protect you. Like, it’s literally a Band-aid to a bullet wound. And there definitely should have been more repercussions for what he had done,” Chapman said.

For many survivors, it’s difficult to share their stories and seek help as they fear for their safety. That’s why the colleges need to intervene and build strong resources that are readily available to students, Chapman said.

“Having more research resources for sure protecting people on campus and off campus is very much needed. And not just, ‘Oh, you get a safe ride back home,’” she added.

The student from the Sharp Building incident echoed the same sentiments, saying that the school needs to provide more resources to its students than it does now. 

While students can utilize the school’s free 16-week counseling service and referrals recommended by the Title IX office, this student believes they should hire more experts with experience with student survivors. “I think more counselors would be ideal — especially counselors that are trained specifically in areas of sexual assault, and other forms of abuse. Because the SAIC counselors deal primarily with mental health-related issues and school-related stress. I don’t believe they have a specialist for sexual assault. I think that would be a great first step,” she said. 

“There has to be more than just an email every April saying it’s Sexual Assault Prevention Month. I think there just has to be more follow through. Because it [sexual assault] isn’t happening this one month, and it’s not just happening to one student,” Chapman added.

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