FHoroscopesthe saga continues... |
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aries (mar 21 - apr 19) Feeling confused? try re-reading a chapter in a confusing book, doing your taxes, or working on a hard math problem; then you'll be fucking miserable. leo (july 23 - aug 22) You are the world, you'll have no children, there's not a choice, so just deal. sagittarius (nov 22 - dec 21) you are not as smart as you think we think that you think you are.
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earth signs taurus (apr - may 20) You are stubborn, and people really can't stand your annoying presence...sometimes. virgo (aug 23 - sept 22) Have you ever heard the word anal? capricorn (dec 22 - jan 19) Always remember this; "There is not, nor shall there ever be, nothing so exalted on the face of God's great earth, as that Prince of foods, the muffin."
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air signs gemini (may 21 - june 21) Lingerie is on sale at Kmart, so today is a great day for a sexual identity crisis. libra (sept 23 - oct 23) Your moon is in the seventh house but jupitor is on vacation and has been replaced by your Aunt Ellie. So sorry. aquarius (jan 20 - feb 18) The binary is 2 degrees due east of kappa Aquarii, so what the hell are you waiting for?
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water signs cancer (june 22 - july 22) You will pass this term's exams and have great success, but you will die young of a terminal disease. Go figure! scorpio (oct 24 - nov 21) Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch, dude. pisces (feb 19 - mar 20) Don't order the fish. Now get out of here... --toiletdude
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