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A List of Bad Cat Names

By F+

Illustration by Katie Wittenberg.

Jezebel recently published an article titled “A List of Good Cat Names.” I would like to respond with a list of bad cat names. Much like the Jezebel list, this list is indisputable. These names sound bad because they are bad.

  • Persephone (the legal name of my cat)
  • Anything that’s an Instagram filter
  • Instagram
  • Creamed Corn
  • Realty
  • Taxes
  • Any curse word
  • Microsoft Office Suite
  • Monosodium Glutamate
  • Glue
  • Any body part
  • Papadopoulos
  • Tampon
  • Christ Redeemer
  • Arie Luyendyk Jr.
  • Epidermoid
  • Any type of medication
  • Wank
  • Pissant
  • Kardashian
  • Walrus
  • National Public Radio
  • Bethany Krinklequeef (anonymous submission)
  • Donald
  • Ivanka
  • Ivana
  • Melania
  • Eric
  • Jared
  • Don Jr.
  • Huckabee Sanders
  • Loin
  • Marlon Bundo
  • Vegetarian Women’s Multi Once Daily Vitamin
  • Dog
  • F Newsmagazine
  • Farcical
  • Ali Cat

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