Flip Me Over, Chéri: The Crêpe

 

Pagans have cool traditions. Besides abusing conifers in December, they also feast on crêpes in February. The Chandeleur (“candle” in Latin), a crêpe orgy of a feast, takes place every year on February 2nd. It is a celebration of light! What do you mean, you don’t see the connection? Crêpes are round and golden like the sun, and the sun is light… hello?!

Americans tried to replicate the art of crêpe-making and came up with a fatty and not-so delicate alternative: pancakes. People always ask me about the secret behind making crêpes … but there is no secret. Any eight year old in France would know how to make crêpes, and so can you! Here is a recipe to use so you can invite all of your hipster artsy friends to your place and flip crêpes while talking bullshit about European finesse and the charm of pagan celebrations. In the European spirit (and to keep this authentic as possible), we’re keeping some of the measurements in metric:

Ingredients (for about 20 crêpes):

5 eggs

500g flour*

1 liter of half-skimmed milk**

3 tablespoons of oil

Place half of the flour in a mixing bowl. Create a little hole in the middle of the flour, then crack all of the eggs so they fall into that hole. Mix the eggs, grabbing the flour that’s in the bowl little by little so that you don’t make a huge lumpy mess. Then add some of the milk and stir. Add some more flour and keep stirring. Then add milk again, and repeat until you have used all of the milk and flour and your mixture is all nice and smooth. It is very likely that you will end up with a gross, lumpy muck because you are good for nothing, so just put whatever your best attempt at pâte à crêpe is in a mixer and press that goddamn “liquefy” button until smooth.

Now technically your pâte à crêpe should sit in the fridge for at least three hours. Most sluggish dolts like yourself will not plan accordingly. You can just use it straight away; most of the time it’s fine.

Heat a very flat and large pan and grease it with a little bit of butter. Pour about a ladle’s worth of pâte à crêpe onto it. Bubbles on the surface is your crêpe telling you that it is ready to be flipped over. In the pagan tradition, flipping a crêpe twice in the air brings good luck for the year … but I don’t expect any of you slothful schmucks to pull this off, so just try and get your crêpe right without the theatrics.

Once your crêpes are ready, you can fill them with whatever you’d like, although I would appreciate if you did not murder this lovely pagan tradition by incorporating poor excuses for food such as ketchup or any deep fried crap. Personally, I enjoy creamy mushrooms for my savory choice and cane sugar with lemon juice for a sweet option.

You are welcome.